Please critique this song I wrote.

[TexasFilly]

Hi all..
I have been a hobby songwriter since I was able to write.. and now that I have the CountryLyrics.us website, I'm thinking about publishing some of my work.. making it available to upcoming singers.. Please read & critique the song below, written in 1990'.. and is the story of my mothers undying love for my father.. and the "Things She Needed Most"

Thankyou for taking the time

The Things She Needed Most

It was just a picnic in the park..
a simple walk along the beach.
Holding hands in the dark..
These were the things he couldn't
reach.

These were the things she needed most..
and they were the things He couldn't be

And now the time has come to pass..
The kids are grown.. the days are long.
These are "still" the dreams she has..
Yet her faithful love, is just as strong.

These were the things she needed most..
and they were the things He couldn't be

The pain has found a forgiving
home within
The lonely tears that no one see's.
Will fade away in time,
when she has no more memory.

But until then..
she will proudly stand by him

The sweet and gentle moments..
she has needed all her life..
Would cost nothing from the "giver"..
but to him,
was such a sacrifice.

These were the things she needed most..
and they were the things He couldn't be

Money didn't matter..
"Things were not a need"
What mattered most to her,
Had no price, for they were "free"


A warm embrace to greet her fears..
A gentle hand to lead the way.
Were the things he couldn't give her..
Yet she loved him, all her days.

These were the things she needed most..
and they were the things He couldn't be


***********************************
by:WandaCox 1990

[eye-2i.com]

Nice feel to it. I'd say it's a cool idea to get your stuff published. When you do publish it lemme know. I'd love to see yr stuff.
You can see some of my material at http://thanks4supporting.us/poetry

[scorpio]

This is cool.
Nice work TexasFilly ..
and a lot creative..

[TexasFilly]

Thanks Scorpio..

and eye-2eye.. I'll catch up with you!


Here's one I penned today.. dedicated to the wives of the AmericanSoldiers:
Was inspired from hearing Travis Tritt's "What Say You"

I Know This


Who can really know
the truth about love, hate & war?
Although I search for answers,
I always come up short.

But I know this..

You're there.. in a culture that's so different.
and I'm missing you..
Serving in a land that is so distant..
and I pray for your safe return.


I may not have the answers,
to all that life may ask..
We live in a world, where each one
has his view..
and given task..

But I know this..

My dear brave husband of 7 yrs...
Please know darling, just how
proud I am of you.
for the sacrifice you offer, in the name of
peace & your homeland..
I miss you.

We may never know
while we are alive..
the impact that's been made..
the lives that have been changed,

But I know this..

I miss you..
and I pray for your safe return..
You gave up a perfect life..
family, home.. & faithful wife..
to be a sacrifice.. in a distant land..
in the name of peace.. for your
homeland..
I know this..
I miss you..

[eye-2i.com]

Heya TexasFilly

Good one. It's really awesome. You really oughtta get all yr stuff copyrighted and published. Saves ya stress later on you know.

I spotted a typo:

Your there.. in a culture that's so different.

It should read

You're (you are) there.. in a culture that's so different.

Also, I am eye-2i heheh.

Just wanna say that I enjoy reading your stuff and you really gotta get it all up and going FAST coz people sure are missing out on yr creativity.

Best wishes and much success.
Keep up the good work.

[TexasFilly]

eye-2i..
wow.. you & lisa have some real worthy work..
Wishing Lisa the best of success with her debut album

http://www.lisatwydell.co.uk

BTW.. thanks for pointing out the graphical error. I've revised that!