Dear Santa - Still a Classic

[Dnforumadmin]

Kinda old, but still manages to make me laugh:

Dear Santa,

You must be surprised that I'm writing you today, the 26th of December. Well,
I would very much like to clear up certain things that have occurred since the
beginning of the month. I asked for a bicycle, an electric train set, a pair
of roller blades and a football uniform. I destroyed my brain studying the
whole year, not only was I the first in my class but I had the best grades in
the whole school. I'm not going to lie to you Santa, there were no kid in the
neighborhood that behaved better than me, with my parents, my brothers,
my friends and with my neighbors, I would go on errands and even help the
elderly cross the street. There was virtually nothing I wouldn't do for
humanity!

What balls you have leaving me a ****ing yo-yo, a lame ass whistle and a pair
of socks! What the **** were you thinking, you fat son of a *****, that you'd
taken me for a sucker the whole ****ing year to come out with some shit like
this under the damn tree.

As if you hadn't ****ed me enough, you gave that little shithead across the
street so many ****ing toys, that he can't even walk into his damn house!
Please don't let me see you trying to fit your huge ass down my chimney next
year! I'll **** you up! I'll throw rocks at those corny ass reindeers of
yours and scare them the **** away, so you'll have to walk your big fat ass
back to the north pole, just like I have to do since you didn't get me that
****ing bike, you punk bastard!! You know what Santa, **** You!! Next year
you'll find out how bad I can really ****ing be!

So watch your back next year, Beeyaaaaatch!!!!

Sincerely,
Johnny

[Sub]

Yes - still a classic.