=== be strong honey!

[Johnn]

A man escapes from prison where he has been for 15 years. He breaks into a house to look for money and guns and finds a young couple in bed.
He orders the guy out of bed and ties him to a chair, while tying the girl to the bed he gets on top of her, kisses her neck, then gets up and goes into the bathroom. While he's in there, the husband tells his wife:
"Listen, this guy's an escaped convict, look at his clothes! He probably spent lots of time in jail and hasn't seen a woman in years. I saw how he kissed your neck." If he wants sex, don't resist, don't complain, do whatever he tells you. Satisfy him no matter how much he nauseates you. This guy is probably very dangerous. If he gets angry, he'll kill us. Be strong, honey. I love you."

To which his wife responds: "He wasn't kissing my neck. He was whispering in my ear. He told me he was gay, thought you were cute, and asked me if we had any Vaseline. I told him it was in the bathroom. Be strong honey. I love you too!!"

 

[Keral_Patel]

A hippie gets onto a bus and sits next to a nun in the front seat. The hippie looks over and asks the nun if she would have sex with him. The nun surprised by the question politely declines and gets off the bus at the next stop.
When the bus starts on it's way the driver says to the hippie,
"I can tell you how you can get that nun to have sex with you".
The hippie says that he'd love to know, so the bus driver tells him that every Tuesday evening at midnight the nun goes to the cemetery and prey's to God. If you went dressed in a robe and glow in the dark paint mask she would think you are god and you could command her to have sex with you.
The hippie decides this is a great idea, so on Tuesday he goes to the cemetery and waits for the nun to show up.
At midnight sure enough the nun showed up, while she was in the middle of praying the hippie jumped out from hiding and says,
"I AM GOD. I have heard your prayers and I will answer them BUT ... first you must have sex with me."
The nun agrees but asks for anal sex so she might keep her virginity because she is married to the church. The hippie agrees to this and has his way with the nun.
When he finish, he stands up and rips off the mask and shouts,
"Ha, Ha Ha I'm the hippie!"
Then the nun jumps up and shouts,
"Ha Ha Ha I'm the bus driver!"