this is a genuine letter which was sent by terry jones
(sorry cant be bothered removing the >>)
>A letter to the London Observer from Terry Jones (yes, of Monty Python).
>
>Letter to the Observer - Sunday January 26, 2003
>
>I'm really excited by George Bush's latest reason for bombing Iraq: he's
>running out of patience. And so am I! For some time now I've been really
>pissed off with Mr Johnson, who lives a couple of doors down the street.
>
>Well, him and Mr Patel, who runs the health food shop. They both
>give me, queer looks, and I'm sure Mr Johnson is planning something nasty
>for me,but so far I haven't been able to discover what.
>
>I've been round to his place a few times to see what he's up to, but he's
>got everything well hidden. That's how devious he is. As for Mr Patel,
>don't ask me how I know, I just know - from very good sources that he is,
>in reality, a Mass Murderer. I have leafleted the street telling them that
>if we don't act first, he'll pick us off one by one.
>
>Some of my neighbours say, if I've got proof, why don't I go to the police?
>But that's simply ridiculous. The police will say that they need evidence
>of a crime with which to charge my neighbours. They'll come up with endless
>red tape and quibbling about the rights and wrongs of a pre-emptive strike
>and all the while Mr Johnson will be finalising his plans to do terrible
>things to me, while Mr Patel will be secretly murdering people.
>
>Since I'm the only one in the street with a decent range of
>automatic firearms, I reckon it's up to me to keep the peace. But until
>recently that's been a little difficult. Now, however, George W. Bush has
>made it clear that all I need to do is run out of patience, and then I can
>wade in and do whatever I want!
>
>And let's face it, Mr Bush's carefully thought-out policy towards
>Iraq is the only way to bring about international peace and security. The
>one certain way to stop Muslim fundamentalist suicide bombers targeting the
>US or the UK is to bomb a few Muslim countries that have never threatened
>us.
>
>That's why I want to blow up Mr Johnson's garage and kill his wife and
>children. Strike first! That'll teach him a lesson. Then he'll leave us in
>peace and stop peering at me in that totally unacceptable way. Mr Bush
>makes it clear that all he needs to know before bombing Iraq is that Saddam
>is a really nasty man and that he has weapons of mass destruction - even if
>no one can find them. I'm certain I've just as much justification for
>killing Mr Johnson's wife and children as Mr Bush has for bombing Iraq. Mr
>Bush's long-term aim is to make the world a safer place by eliminating
>'rogue states' and 'terrorism'. It's such a clever long-term aim because
>how can you ever know when you've achieved it?
>
>How will Mr Bush know when he's wiped out all terrorists? When every single
>terrorist is dead? But then a terrorist is only a terrorist once he's
>committed an act of terror. What about would-be terrorists? These are the
>ones you really want to eliminate, since most of the known terrorists,
>being suicide bombers, have already eliminated themselves.
>
>Perhaps Mr Bush needs to wipe out everyone who could possibly be a future
>terrorist? Maybe he can't be sure he's achieved his objective until every
>Muslim fundamentalist is dead? But then some moderate Muslims might convert
>to fundamentalism. Maybe the only really safe thing to do would be for Mr
>Bush to eliminate all Muslims? It's the same in my street. Mr Johnson and
>Mr Patel are just the tip of the iceberg. There are dozens of other people
>in the street who I don't like and who - quite frankly - look at me in odd
>ways. No one will be really safe until I've wiped them all out. My wife
>says I might be going too far but I tell her I'm simply using the same
>logic as the President of the United States. That shuts her up. Like Mr
>Bush, I've run out of patience, and if that's a good enough reason for the
>President, it's good enough for me. I'm going to give the whole street two
>weeks - no, 10 days - to come out in the open and hand over all aliens and
>interplanetary hijackers, galactic outlaws and interstellar terrorist
>masterminds, and if they don't hand them over nicely and say 'Thank you',
>I'm going to bomb the entire street to kingdom come.
>
>It's just as sane as what George W. Bush is proposing - and, in
>contrast to what he's intending, my policy will destroy only one street.
>
>
>
